"Them Mad Cow Blues" - an original poem/song thingie by yours truly

Mad Cow Blues

- A beautiful, moving, stirring song written by myself, for all you cowpokes out there.

Well I'm a simple cowboy
From a home out on the range
I drive a beat up Chevy
Purple gas kept in the stage

But I think it's a good life
Yeah I like the prairie air
The sun is always gentle
And there's fishing everywhere

I've got no kind of worries
Yeah I've got no bills to pay
I slide into my wranglers
Each and every single day

But somethin' comes a brewing
There's a bad storm in the air
But a cowboy's fraid of nuthin'

On neither land nor sea or air

I saw them folks a coming
They had on gov’ment airs
They drove them shiny pickups
Whip antennas in the air

And up above I heard
A whirling dervish overhead
A copter flew by chopping
Painted black and white and red

A man came out to meet me
I said "Well how do you do"
"Won't you come on in for coffee,
"Won't you set a spell or two"

He thanked me most obliging
Said he'd love to pass the day
Well a cowboy takes life calmly

And that’s all I’ve got to say

I poured a cup of coffee
While he said "I've got bad news"
"That cow you sold at auction,
"Well she's got those mad cow blues"

"We're gonna have to find out
"Just what drove that cow insane,
"I'm gonna need permission
"To cut out your cattle's brains"

Well that churlish disposition
Passed on to me from Pa
It rose right up and grabbed me
And I sternly set my jaw

"My cows have all been grain fed,
"There just ain't no freakin' way"
Cause a cowboy don't feed cows cows

that's insane!

He said "I understand you're viewpoint,
"But we've got a job to do"
I pushed aside the table
Said "Yeah boy, like hell you do"

"My cattle are like family
"You ain't getting' near their brains
"I've bred 'em up from nothing
"Gave all of them their names"

I clapped aboard my Stetson
And I wished the man good day
He warned I'd best just give in
Or there'd sure be hell to pay

I slung my favourite rifle
And I wished the man good day
Cause a cowboy's always loyal

that's the noble cowboy way

Well I took off a running
Leapt aboard my faithful bay
We headed for the Prairies
Where I'd left my cows to graze

I heard the engines start up
But I'd left them far behind
But up above I heard
That copter coming with design

I caught up to my herd and
I could not believe my eyes
My herd was acting crazy
And it proved my words a lie

Them cows were nearly weightless
They were floating in midair
They were turning happy circles

They were flying through the air!

I scratched my head in wonder
As I watched my cattle fly
They all had fluffy wings
And getting better with each try

The government boys were trying
To haul them cattle from the sky
But the cows kept rising higher
And I felt a sort of pride

Then I heard them call an air strike
Couldn't let my cows escape
I heard a jet come roaring
It flew right over my head

I saw the missile lock on
As it fired on its way
Well a cow just wants its freedom

On a bright and sunny day

The missile done exploded
Yeah it burst right in midair
The cows were turned to vapour
And I sank down in despair

They had four hooves to count on
And the world beneath their toes
The world is awful selfish
Blaming cows for being bold

I set my hat on rightly
And I steeled my jaw and said
"You best be movin' on
"Now that you've blown my cows away"

"Them cows were being reckless
"But that ain't no price to pay"
Well a cowboy's grief is boundless

When their liberties, they take

The cow parts spread all over
And they formed a gentle rain
They spread across Alberta
And it got into our brains

And now our cows are healthy
But it's we who are insane
We're burning all the livestock
And we're poisoning the grain

But nothing is much different
Just the same old every day
We're feeding sheep to cattle
And we bombed Iraq today

But I'm just a simple cowboy
Drinking beer and feeling fine,
Cause it’s our modern life that’s crazy,

We’ll all be nuts in time.